Insecurity:  The Root of Much Evil

Claude Oppenheim, Ph.D., President
Oppenheim Education and Management Consulting

Most people, it seems to me, are not entirely confident in themselves.  So often, I have been surprised by mature, obviously successful people, continuing to seek the approval of others.  They seem to want reassurance that others think well of them as people, and as being good at their jobs.

When people act in overly aggressive ways, ironically it is often because they feel unsure of their ability to persuade, or are frightened that they may appear to be weak.  They hurt their relationships and effectiveness by reacting too harshly, too aggressively, when they want to express their displeasure or disagreement. 

We tend to underestimate our own power and influence.  We underestimate the impact of a supervisor’s critical word or gesture.  While we all need to establish and maintain boundaries in our dealings with others, and supervisors need to clearly communicate when employees’ performance is unsatisfactory, one needs to be so careful to say just enough, not too much.  Tact, and simple mannerliness, is more, not less, important in one’s relationships with subordinates. 

When one is dealing with those who are “coming on too strong”, chances are that they are unsure of themselves.  Rather than meeting aggression with greater force, usually one does better to de-escalate the situation, and try to show the “aggressor” that he or she is strong enough not to need to behave like that. 

The reason for the “gentle giant” phenomenon, is that the giant knows he can afford to be gentle.  If we could all feel like “giants”, how much better would be the workplace (and the world).  As supervisors, we are specially well-placed to help others feel strong, powerful, and confident enough to act like “gentle giants”.

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